Returning of Halo... (Lolx)

Upon someone request
I think I have to update about myself again in this "dehydrated" blog
It's been a long time I never open up my blog account
And having my best time to blog like this
Because of UTAR
U - Univeristy
      of
T - Tutorials
A - Assignments
R - Reports
Because it is end of the semester
All of my lecturers are trying their best to finish up their topic ASAP for final exam
Therefore the pity students are suffering now
Starting from this week
Every week have a test before finals come
Damn it
And next week is really killing me
Hope I can done all the UTAR soon and focus on my study

#Critical Thinking's Presentation
Should sex education introduce in school?
Think critically it's causes and effects
One may say Yes as educate the younger generation with more accurate information in sex
And one may say Yes as prevent unwanted pre-marital sex, abortion, and abandon baby in street
However one may say No as curiosity of younger generation lead to unwanted pre-marital sex, abortion and abandon baby
And one may say No as the misleading of the educator, parents, mass media and even peers
So should it?

#Who to blame actually?
I means Physics
Either Sir Issac Newton or the Apple
If Sir Issac Newton not in this world
Students "live happily ever after"
If the Apple do not drop on his head that time
We will not need to study all those kind of dynamics, force and those symbol symbol little thingy
LMAO

A moment like this and that

I don't know whether is my problem or what
All the new classmate not dare to sit beside me
Or even talk to me
Maybe I dress like not in Foundation class?
Should be in Degree
Like some orientation leaders said to me earlier?
Damn it
I'm won't bite you guys or swallon you guys okay

UTAR
Is new to me
And I try my best to adapt into it
But so far I have no friends here except my high school friends
I means my classmate
And I feel bored for the 1st lecture today
Sitting alone and listen to the lesson
I start to EMO

It's strike me so sudden
Without any siren
And my mood for 1st day in UTAR spoiled
I don't know what is the fucking matter have such power
I try to think back hardly what have I done so far for 19 yrs and 19 days
Yet I still didn't get anything from my mind

Until I closed myself up in my room when I back to home
The feeling is so complicated
I know what the fuck I emo for
Is my college life in Taylor's

I do enjoy my college life in Taylor's
I learned lot of things from Taylor's
I learned how to be tough in study
I learned how to socialise with people around
I learned how to be independent
And I learned a word "Friends"

In Taylor's
I met a group of friends
An awesome group of friends
Or I called them Babes
They are important to me
I dare to say they are more important to my love one
I love them like my girlfriends

Treat me nice when I need help
Take care me when I need a accompany
Love me when I hate myself
Guide me when I am lost my way in life
Cheer me when I not happy
Warn me when I lost my behavior
Scold me when I do something out of my mind

H20 SnowFlake
Oblique MOS Poppy Library
SunwayTGV
Poker ShitHead Bluf
Alcohol

I love The Beatles' smell
Because I know I'm be with "her" that time
I love the laught
Because I know I'm be with "her" that time
I love the Dunhill King Size's smell
Because I know I'm be with "her" that time
I love the sound of playin poker
Because I know I'm be with "her" that time
I love rice
because I know I'm be with "her" that time
I love Kent 6 Mentol's smell
Because I know I'm be with "her" that time
I love the phrase of "LapSap"
because I know I'm be with "her" that time

But seem like everything is dissapear from me
I can do nothing
Begging? Impossible
And I just love them
I love you all, Babes
And now I just hope that I can get a brand new life in Kampar
God please bless me

New?

Yesterday before I close my eyes under my blanket
I looking a good forward on the next day
Because the next day is a big day for me

Today when I open my eyes
I feel empty
Undescrible by word
When time goes by
The feeling become more weird
Is like taking my big day away
I don't know what blow my big day away

A brand new year for me
Means that I have to throw away the old one and welcome the new one?

Old personality to new personality?
Old schoolmate to new schoolmate?
Old friends to new friends?
I rather keep all that to make myself happier
Or I never been through the OLD matters?
I confuse

I called a friend that same birthday with me yesterday
I feel something come back to me when he answer the phone
Although we lost contact for a period of time
But the feeling not going to be weird at all
But how about them?

Anyway
Happy Birthday for myself
And thanks to those who wish me

Behind My Eyes

We only have two eyes
That God gives us for observe the world
And we only can see things in front of us
We can know whats going on in front of us
But
Nothing is perfect in this world
Although we can judge which one is benefit for us
We do not know what happening behind us
That taking our advantages away or hurting us
Like the latest drama of TVB
We can't stop people for hurting us
The only thing we can do is protect ourselves

When I turn to my 180 degree
The lies cover with full of excuses
And you did it
I just get cheated
At first I really do not believe what my friends said
And at last I just get hurted
They told me everything about you
And I just believe that you won't treat me these ways
You did something that kills my heart on you
Well done
I have no comment on that
The only thing I can do now is just shut up and walk away
Last word for you are
"Love yourselves and protect yourselves."
Speechless

Learned how to protect myself
And learned how to turn my head behind
Thank you that taught me an important lesson that I never learn in classroom

Finally

Just now I facebooking, I opened up my photo albums, and I wanted to change my profile picture. I scroll scroll and scroll to get a better picture. Suddenly, I feel sad and wanted to cry when I saw all those picture that took with my friends. And when the moment I saw some picture that captured in Midvalley, two tears dropped my keyboard. (Not drop on my guitar like Taylor Swift)
I don't know why, and I don't know since when the relationship changed gradually between three of us. Maybe because I'm apart in Kampar and I acn't control those situation to prevent this happen. I really don't know what's going wrong between them. I can't judge who is right or wrong because I didn't see the real incident happened in front of my eyes.
Some misunderstanding is there because of different ideas. Some lies created is to avoid quarrel. Some rude word comes in our conversation because we have to protect ourselves. But all that created the greatest misunderstanding between us.
Seems everything happened, and some crisis happened between one of them and me, I think the gaps between us will get bigger and bigger and it can't be narrowed because I not dare to face one of them, not dare to face the reason behind the crisis happened.
Hope they are doing fine there.

Tiring Day

What a tiring day. Now only I can relax and sit down for blogging since wake up at 6.30am, almost 15 hours that really used up my energy. Need some time for charging or maybe change some of my "spare parts" if found some awesome parts for my not awesome part of my body. LapSap. ^^ I wish to change my eye balls to ideal one because I want to persuade my dream of becoming a pilot with Jordan. And can go to Melbourne and Vancouver where the places I wish to go in my life. ^^ But I know it is impossible. Or maybe change my face to more good looking one with bigger nose and eyes? Human is greedy, although I have good looking face, I'm still not satisfied. Always ask for more.
The moody mood still same as few days ago. What to do? Just taking my time, time will tell. I keep finding something to make me happy today, but seems everything for me are useless. Not denying, I am becoming more pessimistic. Soon will get illness if not get treatment from psychologist.
Yesterday I access to internet and searching the contact number of the University that I wanted to study next year for asking more information about Diploma and Degree of Actuarial Science. When I called the Uni just now, a malay girl picked up a phone.

Officer :"Hi, this is department of science and mathematics of University XxXxX. May I help you?" (She used Malay at first.)
Edan :"Hi, I would like to study in this Uni and I want to know more about the course of Actuarial Science."
Officer :"How can I call you? Mr?"
Edan :"Mr Chang."
Officer :"Sorry sir, we only accept Bumi."

The moment I heard the word "Bumi", means natives, I was like "Huh?". If the Uni only accept Bumi, why not the officer told me earlier when I planned all the stuff to study there? I sent some emails to the school for some of the information one moth ago, right? And why don't you tell me that this Uni only accept Malay? Really fuck off. Damn it. Malay really BOLEH, Malaysia BOLEH. Shit Head! Now I have to choose my alternatives, UTAR, but I will never change the subject, I love and want to be a professional actuary with license from SOA.

Weird Dream

Yesterday before I went to bed, my mood was totally destroyed by a sms from Mr.CC. I was frustrate yet sad and I tried my best to sleep after taking my shower. However, I login to Blogger and view some of the blog that I miss it. Recently, I reading some of the post posted by Mr.W, and I enjoy reading his post about the G-Circle. Awesome, it made me smile a lot. After finish reading his blog, I went to bed.
In the morning, today's morning, when I wake up, I felt that my little Edan is wet and I thought I am peeping in night, but it's gel like liquid. DISGUSTING. Then I went to toilet to wash away the dirt, suddenly I knew that I had a dream last night, is a horny dream about Mr.W. Holy Jesus. I have no idea why he will connect with my brain and come into my dream. WEIRD!
The dream was like, he fetching me to some elsewhere after my school, and we chat quite a long in the car. We talk about our childhood, family ... Then he fetched me back to my home after the dinner in Mid Valley. Then he follow me back to my room. I bet you guys know what happen next if I am alone in house with him. Lolx. Better don't touch in so detail.
Not only that, Mr.E also went into my dream before. Should I called them sweet dream or beautiful nightmare? I don't know.
Today, no surprise, I still sad because of yesterday sms. I went to Ipoh city and accidentally meet my Jie, Joeyin. And she was shocked after I told him something that she will never think off. "Jie, I am single now." Going to meet her tonight and tell her all my sadness. Fews hour ago was my happiest time in this week, I just ate a toast that full of peanut butter. ^^ But my weight is getting higher and higher, from 55kg until 65 kg now. However, no flesh grow on my body, I hate that.
Sweet dream or Beautiful nightmare? Think of Beyonce's song. ^^