New?

Yesterday before I close my eyes under my blanket
I looking a good forward on the next day
Because the next day is a big day for me

Today when I open my eyes
I feel empty
Undescrible by word
When time goes by
The feeling become more weird
Is like taking my big day away
I don't know what blow my big day away

A brand new year for me
Means that I have to throw away the old one and welcome the new one?

Old personality to new personality?
Old schoolmate to new schoolmate?
Old friends to new friends?
I rather keep all that to make myself happier
Or I never been through the OLD matters?
I confuse

I called a friend that same birthday with me yesterday
I feel something come back to me when he answer the phone
Although we lost contact for a period of time
But the feeling not going to be weird at all
But how about them?

Anyway
Happy Birthday for myself
And thanks to those who wish me

Behind My Eyes

We only have two eyes
That God gives us for observe the world
And we only can see things in front of us
We can know whats going on in front of us
But
Nothing is perfect in this world
Although we can judge which one is benefit for us
We do not know what happening behind us
That taking our advantages away or hurting us
Like the latest drama of TVB
We can't stop people for hurting us
The only thing we can do is protect ourselves

When I turn to my 180 degree
The lies cover with full of excuses
And you did it
I just get cheated
At first I really do not believe what my friends said
And at last I just get hurted
They told me everything about you
And I just believe that you won't treat me these ways
You did something that kills my heart on you
Well done
I have no comment on that
The only thing I can do now is just shut up and walk away
Last word for you are
"Love yourselves and protect yourselves."
Speechless

Learned how to protect myself
And learned how to turn my head behind
Thank you that taught me an important lesson that I never learn in classroom

Finally

Just now I facebooking, I opened up my photo albums, and I wanted to change my profile picture. I scroll scroll and scroll to get a better picture. Suddenly, I feel sad and wanted to cry when I saw all those picture that took with my friends. And when the moment I saw some picture that captured in Midvalley, two tears dropped my keyboard. (Not drop on my guitar like Taylor Swift)
I don't know why, and I don't know since when the relationship changed gradually between three of us. Maybe because I'm apart in Kampar and I acn't control those situation to prevent this happen. I really don't know what's going wrong between them. I can't judge who is right or wrong because I didn't see the real incident happened in front of my eyes.
Some misunderstanding is there because of different ideas. Some lies created is to avoid quarrel. Some rude word comes in our conversation because we have to protect ourselves. But all that created the greatest misunderstanding between us.
Seems everything happened, and some crisis happened between one of them and me, I think the gaps between us will get bigger and bigger and it can't be narrowed because I not dare to face one of them, not dare to face the reason behind the crisis happened.
Hope they are doing fine there.

Tiring Day

What a tiring day. Now only I can relax and sit down for blogging since wake up at 6.30am, almost 15 hours that really used up my energy. Need some time for charging or maybe change some of my "spare parts" if found some awesome parts for my not awesome part of my body. LapSap. ^^ I wish to change my eye balls to ideal one because I want to persuade my dream of becoming a pilot with Jordan. And can go to Melbourne and Vancouver where the places I wish to go in my life. ^^ But I know it is impossible. Or maybe change my face to more good looking one with bigger nose and eyes? Human is greedy, although I have good looking face, I'm still not satisfied. Always ask for more.
The moody mood still same as few days ago. What to do? Just taking my time, time will tell. I keep finding something to make me happy today, but seems everything for me are useless. Not denying, I am becoming more pessimistic. Soon will get illness if not get treatment from psychologist.
Yesterday I access to internet and searching the contact number of the University that I wanted to study next year for asking more information about Diploma and Degree of Actuarial Science. When I called the Uni just now, a malay girl picked up a phone.

Officer :"Hi, this is department of science and mathematics of University XxXxX. May I help you?" (She used Malay at first.)
Edan :"Hi, I would like to study in this Uni and I want to know more about the course of Actuarial Science."
Officer :"How can I call you? Mr?"
Edan :"Mr Chang."
Officer :"Sorry sir, we only accept Bumi."

The moment I heard the word "Bumi", means natives, I was like "Huh?". If the Uni only accept Bumi, why not the officer told me earlier when I planned all the stuff to study there? I sent some emails to the school for some of the information one moth ago, right? And why don't you tell me that this Uni only accept Malay? Really fuck off. Damn it. Malay really BOLEH, Malaysia BOLEH. Shit Head! Now I have to choose my alternatives, UTAR, but I will never change the subject, I love and want to be a professional actuary with license from SOA.

Weird Dream

Yesterday before I went to bed, my mood was totally destroyed by a sms from Mr.CC. I was frustrate yet sad and I tried my best to sleep after taking my shower. However, I login to Blogger and view some of the blog that I miss it. Recently, I reading some of the post posted by Mr.W, and I enjoy reading his post about the G-Circle. Awesome, it made me smile a lot. After finish reading his blog, I went to bed.
In the morning, today's morning, when I wake up, I felt that my little Edan is wet and I thought I am peeping in night, but it's gel like liquid. DISGUSTING. Then I went to toilet to wash away the dirt, suddenly I knew that I had a dream last night, is a horny dream about Mr.W. Holy Jesus. I have no idea why he will connect with my brain and come into my dream. WEIRD!
The dream was like, he fetching me to some elsewhere after my school, and we chat quite a long in the car. We talk about our childhood, family ... Then he fetched me back to my home after the dinner in Mid Valley. Then he follow me back to my room. I bet you guys know what happen next if I am alone in house with him. Lolx. Better don't touch in so detail.
Not only that, Mr.E also went into my dream before. Should I called them sweet dream or beautiful nightmare? I don't know.
Today, no surprise, I still sad because of yesterday sms. I went to Ipoh city and accidentally meet my Jie, Joeyin. And she was shocked after I told him something that she will never think off. "Jie, I am single now." Going to meet her tonight and tell her all my sadness. Fews hour ago was my happiest time in this week, I just ate a toast that full of peanut butter. ^^ But my weight is getting higher and higher, from 55kg until 65 kg now. However, no flesh grow on my body, I hate that.
Sweet dream or Beautiful nightmare? Think of Beyonce's song. ^^

I love eating

Recently I eat a lot, and I no idea that will I gain weight? I hope I will gain more flesh by eating high protein food. Last two days I went to S'pore and I had my dinner buffet in Riverview Hotel. They served five dishes first, traditional herbal soup with fish fins and abalones, fried deep roasted pork with fish belly, fresh scallop with squeeze lemon juice, and steam prawns with Chinese wine. Then I had my salad prawn, fresh salmon as appetizer. i think I ate more than 10 other dishes excluding the dessert. ^^ I love them so much. Muacksss.

Today, before I went back from canteen, I cook some sambal chili for my dinner. It's easy. You just need to blend all ingredients including red chili, paddy chili, some garlics and onions with a little bit of water. Then fry hot the pans with oil and dried shrimp until the shrimp turn brown black and take out for cooling. next put some belacan into the pans until it melts, pour the mixture of chili to the pans and cook with the belacan. Finally only put the dried shrimp into the pans and put some sugar. ^^ I enjoyed the sambal chili with curry mutton with potatoes. ^^

I miss peanut butter. I bet you all forgotten my desire on peanut butter. I wrote it somewhere in the old blog. have a look on this link, http://lalagrave1230.blogspot.com/2008/11/peanut-butter.html.

I think I gonna take good care whatever that go into my mouth. I should eat less hot and spicy food, high salt and sugar to keep my body healthy. Drink more water and I surf internet and get a recipes that really good for detoxify. Squeeze tomatoes and lemon juice and add a little bit of sugar as breakfast, then drink some plain coffee without milk or creamer to reduce eyes bag. ^^ I think I should maintain it although it just started today.

Just now turn on my patience and visit some of my blogger's friends blog. I think Willy's and Kevin's blog are interesting, feel happy to read their blog, especially the stories of G-circle by Willy and I am still reading it. ^^ And the penis one very disgusting, but I wanted to see all the photo that had been removed. So horny.

O/s: I just wrote something that really shocking in Facebook. "You can bring your boyfriends and meet me at the hotel room." Thanks for Daniel's and Eric's responds.

Randomness

Hoping my friend can get me the ticket for Beyonce's concert in Malaysia. Sob. It's on 25 of Oct and I not free on 26 of Oct, very rush for me if I really going to the party. Maybe next time?
My sister just bought me a toy thou I'm not a kid. I really love it because it's really cute. Hehe, is SpongeBob friend's, Patrick, but I wanted SpongeBob for long time ago.
Recently, one of my friend called me. One of my dearest friend's brother and grandfather just passed away. I heartache when I heard this news from him. Somemore he told me that Ben cried in his car after they meet up in somewhere. Hope he is fine now. Wish his brother and grandfather can guided by an angle.
I going to S'pore tomorrow for 3 days. And I packing my stuff. (A lot, don't know bring what bag along.) Planning to buy a fake hair for my sister and myself. Maybe buy Lady Gaga's hair, can wear to MP or Oblique. Lolx. Sure I'm not dare.
Just now looked at the moon. Some weird illusion happen on the outer part of the moon. I didn't capture with my camera so can't tell so detail. The outer part of the moon surrounded by a yellow-ring shaped light, very beautiful.
After allowing myself to calm down, I'm still can't forgive myself as a betrayal. Hope everything is okay there.
Do you know Aleo Vera gel has many usage? As a shaving gel, on blemishes. And as hair styling gel. Lolx... Unbelievable, gonna to try it later. So how do you use aloe vera gel?