New?

Yesterday before I close my eyes under my blanket
I looking a good forward on the next day
Because the next day is a big day for me

Today when I open my eyes
I feel empty
Undescrible by word
When time goes by
The feeling become more weird
Is like taking my big day away
I don't know what blow my big day away

A brand new year for me
Means that I have to throw away the old one and welcome the new one?

Old personality to new personality?
Old schoolmate to new schoolmate?
Old friends to new friends?
I rather keep all that to make myself happier
Or I never been through the OLD matters?
I confuse

I called a friend that same birthday with me yesterday
I feel something come back to me when he answer the phone
Although we lost contact for a period of time
But the feeling not going to be weird at all
But how about them?

Anyway
Happy Birthday for myself
And thanks to those who wish me

Behind My Eyes

We only have two eyes
That God gives us for observe the world
And we only can see things in front of us
We can know whats going on in front of us
But
Nothing is perfect in this world
Although we can judge which one is benefit for us
We do not know what happening behind us
That taking our advantages away or hurting us
Like the latest drama of TVB
We can't stop people for hurting us
The only thing we can do is protect ourselves

When I turn to my 180 degree
The lies cover with full of excuses
And you did it
I just get cheated
At first I really do not believe what my friends said
And at last I just get hurted
They told me everything about you
And I just believe that you won't treat me these ways
You did something that kills my heart on you
Well done
I have no comment on that
The only thing I can do now is just shut up and walk away
Last word for you are
"Love yourselves and protect yourselves."
Speechless

Learned how to protect myself
And learned how to turn my head behind
Thank you that taught me an important lesson that I never learn in classroom

Finally

Just now I facebooking, I opened up my photo albums, and I wanted to change my profile picture. I scroll scroll and scroll to get a better picture. Suddenly, I feel sad and wanted to cry when I saw all those picture that took with my friends. And when the moment I saw some picture that captured in Midvalley, two tears dropped my keyboard. (Not drop on my guitar like Taylor Swift)
I don't know why, and I don't know since when the relationship changed gradually between three of us. Maybe because I'm apart in Kampar and I acn't control those situation to prevent this happen. I really don't know what's going wrong between them. I can't judge who is right or wrong because I didn't see the real incident happened in front of my eyes.
Some misunderstanding is there because of different ideas. Some lies created is to avoid quarrel. Some rude word comes in our conversation because we have to protect ourselves. But all that created the greatest misunderstanding between us.
Seems everything happened, and some crisis happened between one of them and me, I think the gaps between us will get bigger and bigger and it can't be narrowed because I not dare to face one of them, not dare to face the reason behind the crisis happened.
Hope they are doing fine there.

Tiring Day

What a tiring day. Now only I can relax and sit down for blogging since wake up at 6.30am, almost 15 hours that really used up my energy. Need some time for charging or maybe change some of my "spare parts" if found some awesome parts for my not awesome part of my body. LapSap. ^^ I wish to change my eye balls to ideal one because I want to persuade my dream of becoming a pilot with Jordan. And can go to Melbourne and Vancouver where the places I wish to go in my life. ^^ But I know it is impossible. Or maybe change my face to more good looking one with bigger nose and eyes? Human is greedy, although I have good looking face, I'm still not satisfied. Always ask for more.
The moody mood still same as few days ago. What to do? Just taking my time, time will tell. I keep finding something to make me happy today, but seems everything for me are useless. Not denying, I am becoming more pessimistic. Soon will get illness if not get treatment from psychologist.
Yesterday I access to internet and searching the contact number of the University that I wanted to study next year for asking more information about Diploma and Degree of Actuarial Science. When I called the Uni just now, a malay girl picked up a phone.

Officer :"Hi, this is department of science and mathematics of University XxXxX. May I help you?" (She used Malay at first.)
Edan :"Hi, I would like to study in this Uni and I want to know more about the course of Actuarial Science."
Officer :"How can I call you? Mr?"
Edan :"Mr Chang."
Officer :"Sorry sir, we only accept Bumi."

The moment I heard the word "Bumi", means natives, I was like "Huh?". If the Uni only accept Bumi, why not the officer told me earlier when I planned all the stuff to study there? I sent some emails to the school for some of the information one moth ago, right? And why don't you tell me that this Uni only accept Malay? Really fuck off. Damn it. Malay really BOLEH, Malaysia BOLEH. Shit Head! Now I have to choose my alternatives, UTAR, but I will never change the subject, I love and want to be a professional actuary with license from SOA.

Weird Dream

Yesterday before I went to bed, my mood was totally destroyed by a sms from Mr.CC. I was frustrate yet sad and I tried my best to sleep after taking my shower. However, I login to Blogger and view some of the blog that I miss it. Recently, I reading some of the post posted by Mr.W, and I enjoy reading his post about the G-Circle. Awesome, it made me smile a lot. After finish reading his blog, I went to bed.
In the morning, today's morning, when I wake up, I felt that my little Edan is wet and I thought I am peeping in night, but it's gel like liquid. DISGUSTING. Then I went to toilet to wash away the dirt, suddenly I knew that I had a dream last night, is a horny dream about Mr.W. Holy Jesus. I have no idea why he will connect with my brain and come into my dream. WEIRD!
The dream was like, he fetching me to some elsewhere after my school, and we chat quite a long in the car. We talk about our childhood, family ... Then he fetched me back to my home after the dinner in Mid Valley. Then he follow me back to my room. I bet you guys know what happen next if I am alone in house with him. Lolx. Better don't touch in so detail.
Not only that, Mr.E also went into my dream before. Should I called them sweet dream or beautiful nightmare? I don't know.
Today, no surprise, I still sad because of yesterday sms. I went to Ipoh city and accidentally meet my Jie, Joeyin. And she was shocked after I told him something that she will never think off. "Jie, I am single now." Going to meet her tonight and tell her all my sadness. Fews hour ago was my happiest time in this week, I just ate a toast that full of peanut butter. ^^ But my weight is getting higher and higher, from 55kg until 65 kg now. However, no flesh grow on my body, I hate that.
Sweet dream or Beautiful nightmare? Think of Beyonce's song. ^^

I love eating

Recently I eat a lot, and I no idea that will I gain weight? I hope I will gain more flesh by eating high protein food. Last two days I went to S'pore and I had my dinner buffet in Riverview Hotel. They served five dishes first, traditional herbal soup with fish fins and abalones, fried deep roasted pork with fish belly, fresh scallop with squeeze lemon juice, and steam prawns with Chinese wine. Then I had my salad prawn, fresh salmon as appetizer. i think I ate more than 10 other dishes excluding the dessert. ^^ I love them so much. Muacksss.

Today, before I went back from canteen, I cook some sambal chili for my dinner. It's easy. You just need to blend all ingredients including red chili, paddy chili, some garlics and onions with a little bit of water. Then fry hot the pans with oil and dried shrimp until the shrimp turn brown black and take out for cooling. next put some belacan into the pans until it melts, pour the mixture of chili to the pans and cook with the belacan. Finally only put the dried shrimp into the pans and put some sugar. ^^ I enjoyed the sambal chili with curry mutton with potatoes. ^^

I miss peanut butter. I bet you all forgotten my desire on peanut butter. I wrote it somewhere in the old blog. have a look on this link, http://lalagrave1230.blogspot.com/2008/11/peanut-butter.html.

I think I gonna take good care whatever that go into my mouth. I should eat less hot and spicy food, high salt and sugar to keep my body healthy. Drink more water and I surf internet and get a recipes that really good for detoxify. Squeeze tomatoes and lemon juice and add a little bit of sugar as breakfast, then drink some plain coffee without milk or creamer to reduce eyes bag. ^^ I think I should maintain it although it just started today.

Just now turn on my patience and visit some of my blogger's friends blog. I think Willy's and Kevin's blog are interesting, feel happy to read their blog, especially the stories of G-circle by Willy and I am still reading it. ^^ And the penis one very disgusting, but I wanted to see all the photo that had been removed. So horny.

O/s: I just wrote something that really shocking in Facebook. "You can bring your boyfriends and meet me at the hotel room." Thanks for Daniel's and Eric's responds.

Randomness

Hoping my friend can get me the ticket for Beyonce's concert in Malaysia. Sob. It's on 25 of Oct and I not free on 26 of Oct, very rush for me if I really going to the party. Maybe next time?
My sister just bought me a toy thou I'm not a kid. I really love it because it's really cute. Hehe, is SpongeBob friend's, Patrick, but I wanted SpongeBob for long time ago.
Recently, one of my friend called me. One of my dearest friend's brother and grandfather just passed away. I heartache when I heard this news from him. Somemore he told me that Ben cried in his car after they meet up in somewhere. Hope he is fine now. Wish his brother and grandfather can guided by an angle.
I going to S'pore tomorrow for 3 days. And I packing my stuff. (A lot, don't know bring what bag along.) Planning to buy a fake hair for my sister and myself. Maybe buy Lady Gaga's hair, can wear to MP or Oblique. Lolx. Sure I'm not dare.
Just now looked at the moon. Some weird illusion happen on the outer part of the moon. I didn't capture with my camera so can't tell so detail. The outer part of the moon surrounded by a yellow-ring shaped light, very beautiful.
After allowing myself to calm down, I'm still can't forgive myself as a betrayal. Hope everything is okay there.
Do you know Aleo Vera gel has many usage? As a shaving gel, on blemishes. And as hair styling gel. Lolx... Unbelievable, gonna to try it later. So how do you use aloe vera gel?

Get your ass off out of the issue

When the news of Beyonce's "I am... Tour" Live in Malaysia spread last month, I think, all of music lover in M'sia was totally crazy for it. I am so happy if my friend can get me the tickets for the VVIP for the concert. I including Knowles's fans waited the chance for almost 2 years since last tour "The Experience Tour" had canceled because of the dress code set at here. (I hate those dress code)
Now, the gang, I don't want to mention the name, just name it as, closed-minded people, CMP as in short form, they raised their voice to cancel the concert AGAIN. WTH. Totally fuck and ass hole holy Jesus. They said Beyonce's costume is sexy, that I totally agree. However as a performer, they should bring out their best, best voice, best dance, best costume and best body shape, as well as Beyonce. If CMP can't accept the sexiest of foreign people, why they still playing all the sexy music video in media? Why still Lady Gaga's swim-suit that showed whole legs and Beyonce's Sasha Fierce costume that semi-covered her boobs and why PussyCatDolls' video still playing in media with most sexy dancing move? Should they banned all the video that over their limit that set previously by them? (Some more, they said Avril Lavigne wearing sexy costume. Which part of AL sexy? I wondering and searching a part of her concert to make myself high. Lolx!?)
If they don't want see the concert because of too sexy, don't go fpr the concert. The concert is open for everyone but only for those who can accept the sexiest of Beyonce, no one force you to go. Excuse me, be open-minded, Hole-ing. Sit on your sofa and watching those programs that never ever pollute your mind, or sleep on your bed, don't ever bother the concert that people waited for years.
Her songs were inspired a lot of people especially girls. Teach them how to love, how to live their life and boys as well. Just let her inspire us again.
Don't ever raised those meaningless problems that will cause few thousand people hate you all. Just let the music lover enjoy the show. If one man cut the barrage, a thousand people fell into river!

Still Healing

A song that can only represent my feeling now, "Better In Time". Lewis really touch my heart and sing out loud of my sadness for this hardest period after incident happened.

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's going to hurt when it heals too
(It'll all get better in time)
Even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile because I deserve too
(It'll all get better in time)

I'm still healing too. And I just keep all the memories in my bottom of my broken heart, never share with others to reduce my sadness. Maybe we, including outsiders never ever think about the relationship was ended so fast and so sudden, but I deserve the all the pain too because I done something that shouldn't be done. Betraying spoils the whole thing. Maybe it's called Karma. I do not really know whats I'm thinking now, and I trying to be stronger and stronger.

Hit me like the ray of Sun
Going through my darkest night
You're the only I wanted
You gonna addicted to the light
I swear never fall agian
This don't even feel the falling
Gravity can't forget
To pull me back to the ground again

Beyonce drop her tear when she singing "Halo" in the live performance of 2009 NAACP Image Award. Knowles written this song is dedicated for her dearest, Mr Jay-Z. Although in love, going through the sweetest part of relationship, don't ever forget the "gravity", it will "pull you back to the ground again". Hero to Zero. Maybe I took the wrong steps and everything become different. Never thought that the "full stop" placed so no peacefully.
But since the decision had made and I think just let the decision go. Follow the heart, I think time will tell whether the wound healed.
Suddenly love Rihanna's "Take a bow", especially these few sentences in the lyrics.

But it's over now
Go on and take a bow

and

And the award for best liar goes to you

I'm the greatest liar.
Still healing.

Repeat Made Perfect

My mind pop out something that really Random and I woulkd like to share with people. Just now went to toilet with my headphone, I realized something. Do you know why Lady Gaga's "Just dance" and "Poker face" can become the hits for '09? The reason behind it is REPEAT REPEAT and REPEAT.

Can't read my, can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
Can't read my, can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
Pa pa pa poker face, Pa pa poker face
Pa pa pa poker face, Pa pa poker face

The whole chorus for "Poker face" is just repeating the same sentences. Lolx. The last part of the song even worse, repeat for almost 6 times. What the heck! Gaga, will you sing the wrong part or miss one part when you singing live?
After know this funny facts, I just tune to "Just dance". Same story, Holy Shit! Maybe Gaga repeating the chorus is to made people easier to remember the song. But somehow Gaga's song not only using that technique, she also using the techno that heavy on the beat to make people can dance with the music, example Gaga's "Love Game".

Beyonce's "Single Ladies" also very awesome. Using heavy beats and repeating sentences that helped Beyonce's holding the awards of Song Of The Year in VMA '09. Maybe I have to thanks Britney. Random? Because the technique is from the single "Womanizer" by Spears. Can you count how many "Womanizer" appear in that song? more than 30 times. Haha.

Repeat made perfect. Yeah!

Randomness

Don't know why these few days I received a lot of anonymous' calls and sms. What the fuck, they trying to know about me but never let me know his and her name. What the heck. Where did they get my number from? One of them said get my number from Maxis' Friend Finder. Excuse me, I using Digi's line, not Maxis. Hate them. I trying to get their info, but they just keeping their "mouth" shut. Holy Shit! (Mr K.C.Cheong). Someone help me to stop them, they just annoying for me. One guy name Selvester Stallone, he just a bull-shit. When I say I am male, he stopped the conversation. "I though you are not a boy". "How I know whether you get the number correctly from Maxis? Wrong question" I replied, then he stopped. Lolx.

Sharing and caring are important for holding relationship. However I hate those people that no willing to share his or her sadness and happiness with his or her couple. What the hack? Can you treat him better? Although working from morning till evening, at least a call or sms a day can make him happy. Treat him better okay? If not I will "tampar" your face with my size 10 Converse shoes.

If I were a boy
I think I couldn't understand
How to feel to love a girl
I swear be a better man

Who can sponsor me to go to Beyonce's "I am ..." World Tour in Malaysia at 25 of September at Bukit Jalil Stadium? Please...

All the single ladies
Now put your hands up

Going to oversea soon, the so-called "Holidays" allow men to rest. Lolx. Planning to buy some Mooncakes for my mother at there. I miss her. Happy Mooncakes Festival. ^^

Please Forgive Me

To someone or maybe a group of people that really upset on me, I really sorry for what have I done to hurt someone that you all love too. I know I am very stupid and selfish to avoid all problems by leaving it behind. I know what have I done to made you all to hate me or maybe to "delete" me from yours memories. But I have to say sorry. Not only for the one I am hurting but also to all of you that looking good on this relationship. I willing to accept all of your bad perceptions on me and I know I deserve it for what have I done. Sorry, I am not dare to face you all. Please give me some time and time will tell because I know you all are really piss on me. Sorry.

Something I can't change

5 weeks
I am not around
And within this period
So many Thing can be done
Prom and Club
H2O and Uncle Seng
And the first week of August
I can't appear myself in a lot of activities
Especially can't be with someone in some day

Sometimes we have do something that we not like or not willing to do
But we have to follow them
After next few months I have to start everything over again
I have to leave where am I now
To somewhere where I suppose to be in
Although I not happy with the changes
Because of something and someones I can't bear to leave
I have to do so
To someone that I love out there
Sometimes we have to let go something in your life to go further in your life

I believe in Karma
If you do something good
You will get back the same good thing or value
And thanks God
Finally revenges fall on that two road-side bitches
Or I call them Slut?
Either

Welcome to The Grave of Halo

Seriously
I need to appreciate you guys a lot
And
Sorry
For moving from the old dusty blog to this brand new blog
Grave Of Halo

Hey
Please change the link
OK?

Lets talk about the blog
Why Grave of Halo?
Grave = Die
Halo = Alive
When Die and Alive "crash" together
What is it?
By using integration and differentiation
By using statistic and probability
By using whatever method
The answer for the equation
Grave + Halo or Die + Halo is "I Don't Know"
I really dont know
Just being random

Maybe I admire Beyonce?
I dont know
I think Beyonce much hotter than everyone else
Beyonce K.O.ed Britney Spears and Lady Gaga even the Grammy Award Winner , "Big" Mariah Carey
She just Hot Sexy and whatever
I am ... Sasha Fierce

Why is Big Mariah Carey?
She has "Big" voice, "Big" Lungs, "Big" Sales Record and "Big" Boobs
Lolx

Grave or Halo?
Tonight I will be Halo
*Halo means Happy
*Grave means Emo